4am. 5am. A Poem

A couple of months ago I submitted one of my poems to the Sussex Wildlife Trust Anthology competition, on the theme of “emergence”, and I’m delighted to discover my poem is now in their 2022 Anthology.

I’ve always kept my poetry fairly private for no good reason other than self doubt, to be honest. But since having Leo I’ve felt more inspired than ever to write creatively again and also more inspired to gain confidence in sharing said writing, because I want to avoid passing my chronic self doubt onto Leo if I can 🤦‍♀️ .

When Leo was born I bought this beautiful journal from Avocado & Spice. If the journal wasn’t gorgeous enough, the packaging is stunning too. It comes in a sturdy matching box with a luxury velvet-feel bag. I absolutely love it. I picked the turtle/terrapin design, as when Leo was born I quickly nicknamed him my little terrapin and the first poem I wrote on motherhood is “Terrapin”, a poem recalling the birth and meeting him for the first time. From thereon in, this journal has become my place for all motherhood inspired poetry when it hits.

“4am. 5am.” was inspired by those sleepy early morning feeds at the crack of dawn, accompanied by the calls of the dawn chorus, particularly in those early days. We opted to co-sleep with Leo since about week 2 so our sleep has actually been really good, but when Mr J gets up extra early to go to work, I often find myself staying half awake, feeding Leo and listening to the perfectly patterned chirps. I’ve always found the dawn chorus so magical to listen to. I remember toward the end of my pregnancy I’d wake up with pregnancy insomnia and gaze outside hearing it all unfold. Most of us are well aware time is passing us by but there’s still something fascinating about annual events that serve as stark reminders of that. The dawn chorus for me, is one of those. I can think back to so many I’ve heard over the years and how different my life was at each time. I hope I’ll hear many a dawn chorus with Leo over the years too, but there’ll never be another where he’s a tiny baby.

The competition was for a poem on the theme of “emergence“ which I felt this fitted on multiple levels, and there was a maximum of 12 lines allowed, so I had to cut a few. I actually think it works better with the inclusion of a couple more lines, which I’ll include below.

Anyway, here’s the poem in full, and you can find it on page 21 on the Sussex Wildlife Trust’s Anthology. There are so many beautiful nature poems and pieces to read in there if you’re a fan.

4am. 5am.

4am. 5am. I know not which
The hour is early; I sense you shift

And from the dawn, Spring’s chorus clear
Since you were born, the first you’ll hear.

I twitch beneath Dawn’s duvet hours
My eyes adjust but eyelids tower

Like lead. They try to send me back
To dreamful lands of calm and lax

Yet stronger still, my instinct pulls
A song so loud, a parent’s call.

I swoop you in to latch my chest
A cradle for your head to nest

Your tininess won’t linger on
But every year this tuneful morn

Will march on with melodic might
4am. 5am. Until it’s light

Thoughts, critique, or words of encouragement welcome. I’d like to start posting more of my writing, but I have no idea if my blog is the right place to be posting it 🤷‍♀️